How to Remember Names

I heard the story of an elderly gentleman who was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.” The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth, he said. “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

What do you do when you meet someone and you cannot remember their name?

That can be embarrassing for sure and it happens to everyone. There are also different ways to remember people’s names. I seem to have the ability to meet someone, ask their name and then immediately forget their monicker. Its like I have name amnesia! There are many things you can do to help you remember people better. One thing you don’t want to do is say, “I am sorry, I don’t remember you!”

Dale Carnegie has said that a “person’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Everyone wants to hear their name and just by using it you will remember it better! Dr. Ivan Misner, the founder of BNI, has a 4 step method for connecting people with their name so you never forget it. He says, “When you forget someone’s name, I recommend saying, “Hi, good to see you”, then strike up a simple conversation to help you remember based upon the current situation or event you are attending. Starting a dialogue is a great way to shake up the gray matter in your head to try to remember who they are. If you still cannot remember after conversing a while, it’s time to stop trying and move along. Before leaving tell them, “Hey, it was nice to see you again. Gotta run. Talk to you again next time”.

Here is a four-step process that works for Dr. Misner and can help us all:

1- Repetition. Ask for the person’s business card. Read it. Read the name out loud and ask the person to repeat it. (This also helps with pronunciation.)
2- Use their name in conversation. (More repetition.)
3- Connect them with others and use their name when you introduce them.
4- Consciously dedicate the person’s name to memory. Look at the business card again after you get home. Remind yourself what the person looked like and what you talked about.

While we all struggle with remembering names and this is something that we can improve. Dr. Misner has one final suggestion, “Saying “good to see you”, then engaging in a dialogue is a great approach to remember their name. If you absolutely do not want to use this technique, a fall-back approach can be one that someone once shared with me: “Sorry, I’m having a total ‘Senior Moment’ and I don’t recall where we’ve met”. Feel free to use that if you do not feel very brave with the “good to see you” approach. However, be prepared for some bruised feelings.”